N'ohana trips

02.07.25

As I contemplated what t-shirt to wear today, I decided itwas a “purple” day and I had a couple of choices.  I picked a N’ohana 2024 shirt.  Those closest to me know, but you might bewondering exactly what N’ohana 2024 means. N’ohana is a long (2 or 3 moths) trip that I take to honor the veryfirst one.  That one happened when I leftMontana for the last time in a 26’ travel trailer that I had dubbed N’ohana.  N’ohana is a Hawaiian term for anon-traditional family place or home. And that travel trailer was all the home I had at that moment intime.  After the death of my husband, I haddecided to sell our ranch in Montana and look for a new home closer to mychildren and grandchildren.  I loaded myremaining possessions in the trailer and planned a route that would take methrough parts of Idaho, Wyoming, and Arizona that I had never seen before,visiting state and national parks along the way.  It was a journey of discovery of new andbeautiful places but it was first and foremost a journey of transition fromwife to widowhood and thence to personhood.  It is really, really hard to suddenly be a singleafter nearly 54 years of being a partner, one-half of a pair. Thus, as Irealized that I wanted to honor that journey, which I am still making today, bymaking it an annual event, I thought it might be something I wanted to sharewith others.  So, I created a logo andhad some t-shirts printed up. They have provided an opportunity to share mystory with a lot of people through simple conversations – standing in line atLowe’s, shopping at Walmart, hanging out at a hot air balloon tailgate.  If that conversation helps someone else getthrough a rough patch, a time of Winter, in their journey, then I haveaccomplished that part of the mission given to me by God.  Oh, and I change the year on the front and thecolor each year.  In 2024 I picked purplebecause the N’ohana trip was to Greece with my daughter and purple is herfavorite color.

Thoughts About Changing the Perspective

09.02.24

Many studies have been done to see how travel changes us; our health, our stress levels, our perception of our fellow man, our very personality.  While all that may be true, there is something else to consider.  By stepping out of our comfort zone to travel to an unknown place, we also are given a little taste of our infinitesimally miniscule role in the larger universe.  That said, we also know that one life, one small life, can have a huge impact on the world.

J.R.R. Tolkien put this quote into the mouth of Bilbo Baggins, "It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.".  Because Frodo had the courage after all to step out that door, he set in motion a chain of events that would rid the world of evil, once and for all.  So, too, it was with Jesus.  He did not travel the world, He did not hold any offices, He did not amass great wealth.  What He did was change the world.  Our very timeline is noted by his birth, what happened before and what happened after.

I have spent the last couple of days on the island of Patmos, Greece, famous for the imprisonment of the Apostle John and creation of the final chapter of the Bible by him, The Revelation of Jesus Christ.  I visited the Cave of the Apocalypse, where the book was dictated by John to his scribe.  I happened to get there just as a Greek Orthodox service was beginning.  Because I was sitting in the front row, I stayed for most of the service, until an opportune moment arrived when I could exit without causing a stir among the faithful.  I was struck by the way this cave has been turned almost into a shrine.  I felt uncomfortable with the reverence shown for this place and these objects.  However, I admit, I know nothing of the service, nor the reverence offered.  My perspective is different because of my Bible study, experiences, and teachings from those who live on this beautiful island.  Nor was I raised in the Greek Orthodox church, I will seek better understanding of what I witnessed from family and friends.

This is the first trip where I am mostly unable to discuss complicated thoughts and feelings with the people I encounter each day, since I sadly do not understand Greek and many of those I encounter do not speak English.  I have been able to make needs known for the most part, and some things are easily understood by the situation and body language of those involved.  For instance, on Saturday there was a road race from Skala to Hora, thus cones were laid out on the already narrow highway.  The bus had some difficulty navigating them and after offloading passengers at the Monastery of St. John the Theologian, a policeman tried to tell the bus driver that he could not go on to Grikos as the bus was scheduled.  The driver was quite adamant and ultimately won the encounter.  No Greek was needed to understand this 10 minute discussion.  However, in this, as with most interactions, I am the audience - watching and hearing, but not understanding the words nor participating.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I have an opinion about pretty much everything and enjoy sharing it.  What I have noticed is that traveling and the associated issues are pretty much the same whether they are in the US, the UK, or Greece.  No matter the language, kids get rowdy and tired, parents get frazzled and grumpy, and we all get anxious to be first off or first on. And, as I watched people going by on the boardwalk at Thessaloniki, I saw people going to and from shopping, dining out, stealing a kiss, selling pretzels.  It could just as easily have been the boardwalk in New York, or Galveston.  We are so much more alike than we are different.  Customs and language notwithstanding, we deal with the same stuff.

The unintended isolation has provided me with much more time than most trips to ponder my own place in the universe.  Self-reflection is pretty easy when you have no one to talk to.  Maybe that is why I insisted on coming early and staying late for the family trip, to have time to figure out my next steps.  I have lately been wondering about how to best go about what I think the Lord wants me to do.  One exception to the lack of interaction was the young couple I bumped into at Olympus National Park.  They are Chinese, currently living in Australia, and they quit their jobs to spend 6 months in Europe.  They are using Couchsurfing and Airbnb to find places to stay and riding the bus.  They wanted a ride from Litochoro to Prionia so they could hike from there to the top of Mytikas.  Initially, I said no, but as I walked to the car, I thought about it (or maybe the Holy Spirit tapped me on the shoulder) and I went back and told them ok.  Our discussion up the mountain was about remaining adventurous throughout your life and thus remaining young at heart.  I told them they should, and they said it sounded to them like I was. So, I have been thinking about my options and my goals, praying for guidance, and expecting that I will find the right path with His help.  My perspective hasn't so much changed as shifted slightly into a new direction, one that accomplishes the same goals but in a more economical way.

To be continued....


05.17.24

Digging in to the details.  Perspective begins from afar and then you must move closer, ever closer until you find the detail you need to work on the goal, whether it is a small one or a BHAG. 

About that BHAG...

04.28.24

From Pastor Rick Warren: Don’t get “...stuck in the status quo, which is Latin for ‘the mess we’re in’.”

Why are you in the status quo?  Is it fear of taking the next big step because you might fail?  Is it because you are not sure that the path you want to take is the right one for you?  Or, is it because you just do not think that God can provide that BHAG on your Goals list? In a previous post I talked about BHAGs and why they are important, but I am coming to realize that my own BHAG is woefully short of what it should be.  I set the GOAL, but neglected to do the work of breaking it down into details, with specific tasks that have deadlines for me to work towards.  After all, God appreciates it when we work on our goals, not just sit around and wait for Him.  Assuredly, we are to “be still and know that I am God” and “wait on the Lord”, but that does not mean be lazy.  While we are waiting, we are to be working!  On what?  On preparations to fully realize the reason for Him to provide the BHAG – the furtherance of His Kingdom.  Before Jesus sent the Apostles out to spread the Good News, He equipped them with the Holy Spirit to guide them, teach them, and provide the knowledge they needed.  It was not a one-sided exchange; the Apostles were required to put in the work of going from village to village. Enduring the difficulties of travel as they went out two by two.

So, how to get unstuck?  As with the Apostles, it helps to have a buddy.  Someone with whom you can share the BHAG that will encourage you on the journey when you encounter setbacks.  And, you will encounter setbacks. 

Next, pray.  Make sure that your BHAG aligns with God’s plan for your life.  He does not grant “wishes” He will help you attain a goal that He has placed in your mind and heart.  But, be sure it is His will, not your own. 

Then, have intermittent goals to be reached that move you closer to the BHAG.  Do you need to learn something, do you need to possess something in order to fully appreciate the BHAG when it arrives?  If your BHAG is to drive in the Grand Prix, it will help if you know how to drive a car.  And, not just any car, but one built for the Grand Prix.

Finally, set aside some time every day, week, month to make sure your daily activities are moving you toward that BHAG.  Are you doing the work you must so that you are checking off the tasks along the way. Perseverance pays off, but make sure you are still focused on the correct goals.

Faith, Goals, and God's Plan - Part Deux

December 27, 2023

It is again that time of year when each of us reviews the events and accomplishments of the previous year and starts pondering the goals for the next.  Sometimes, we look back with pride at all we have done, but more often we berate ourselves for all the unreached goals and missed opportunities we let slide by. Why do we almost never realize that, sometimes, just making it to the end of the year is quite an accomplishment all on its own? The prophet Jeremiah tells us in verse 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)

For many years one of my mantras was, “I am where I am because this is where I choose to be.” It was a reminder that my present had been largely determined by my choices and I should not complain if it was difficult.  As I have grown older, and hopefully become a little wiser as a result, I have come to realize that I was only partially accurate.  It is more truthful to say “I am where I am because this is where God wants me to be.”  I think I have always known that God had a plan for my life, I just always thought that He was revising it based upon the decisions that I made.  I have come to realize that those were not always “my” decisions but nudges from the Holy Spirit.  Have you ever found yourself in a situation that you never would have sought on your own, but find that you are mysteriously well-equipped to handle? Have you ever joined a team, whether in sport or work, only to realize that you are meant to lead it?  Have you ever experienced pain that you thought you could not endure, and then found yourself in a place where you could help someone else go through that same pain, if only by proving to them that you actually can live through it? 

I was once privileged to work in a place where our focus for the next year included a BHAG, Big Hairy Ass Goal. A BHAG is a goal that can be attainable, if everyone gives it their best A Game and all the predictions align, but it was also a jaw-dropping, oh my gosh, can we really do this, kind of goal.  When you break a BHAG down into tasks, they lose a bit of that Wow factor and become reachable.  The old “how do you eat an elephant” philosophy. God likes BHAGs.  They give Him an opportunity to do a work in His people that He could not do otherwise. When you do something that you couldn't do alone, that is God working anonymously in your life.  What would happen if we all had a BHAG for 2024 that aligned with God’s goals but would require His intervention?

When you start your 2024 New Year’s Resolutions, ask God to give you a BHAG that you would not dream of trying on your own and then step back and watch Him work. God can do an awesome thing with, and in, your life if you give Him a chance.

Faith, Goals, and God's Plan

September 21, 2023

I'm feeling grateful and very blessed today. Finally winding down from a very hectic 10-day stint working in the Art Galleries at the New Mexico State Fair. And, after many years of winning ribbons for canning, jams, jellies, baking, etc., I finally won a 3rd Place ribbon for a photograph. You never know what God has in mind until His plan has come to fruition. Who could tell that making the decision to go to out of town balloon rallies would mean opportunities to take photos in places I never would have thought to go otherwise? Arriving early in Safford, AZ meant I had a chance for an early morning visit to the Gila Box Riparian National Conservation Area. A little mist in the air provided just the right combination of mountains, valley, golden cottonwoods, and sunrise. It was a glorious day and I loved the chance to share the view with people from all over New Mexico. Being compensated with a ribbon was exciting, but not the best part!  Who knows what could happen next, maybe I'll even sell one someday.  Between now and then, I'll continue to do what I do because I love doing it, not for any external gratification.  God has blessed with the means, opportunity, and desire, I'm happy to leave the outcome with Him also.

The balloon rally was a blast!!  The Last and First Rally of the Year.  First time I've counted down New Year's Eve with a hot air balloon descension!


Goals and Plans

August 18, 2023

One of my favorite quotes is from Nobel Peace Prize winner and former UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan, “To live is to choose.  But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there.”

I am still finding my way as a single person. When Bill died in 2019, for the first time in my life, I faced a life living alone. For sure, I still have family, children, grandchildren, even a great-grandson, lots of cousins, a few aunts and uncle.  But, at the end of the day, I live alone.  I love them and they love me and we stay very close, but it isn’t the same. 

I used to tell Bill that I didn’t need people, that I was perfectly capable to taking care of things on my own.  This was when we were arguing about the fact that he would probably die first (US statistics!) and he insisted that I would need to marry someone else quickly to take his place, as if anyone ever could!  And, the truth is, I am pretty good at doing stuff.  Even stuff that he always did before.  I found that what I didn’t know, I could learn, albeit sometimes the learning was painful.  Thanks to Google and You Tube, and friends willing to share their knowledge, and those closest to me willing to say things that made me think harder about what I was attempting.

But, it is still a lonely existence and not a life unless you have a plan.  Bill and I had a plan, and now I must have my own plan, built for one instead of two.  Which brings me back to Kofi Annan.  I am working on choosing well, and I know that, in order to do that, I must know where I want to go and why I want to get there.  So, I have a master plan, built along the lines of the one that Bill and I had together, modified for just me.  I add new things to the plan and sometimes they work well so I keep them and sometimes I find they just aren’t for me so I move on.  God is helping me a lot in this process as He provides opportunities for me to choose, or, not choose.  I know I can count on Him to send me what I need when I need it, whether it be in the lyrics of a song on the radio, the message in an email, or words from the lips of a friend or family member.  Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.  Psalm 119:105

On Family, Friends, and Fish

June 12, 2023

I have been reflecting recently on the reasons for my lack of motivation and direction for the last few months.  I began the year with Hope in my heart and big plans for the Spring.  Several hot air balloon outings deepened the friendships with my fellow crew members and pilots as well as others in the extended ballooning family in Albuquerque.  However, as the continued flooding in California forced me to finally give up my plan for a West Coast "Searching for Wonder" trip in my N'ohana II, a 2004 Winnebago Class C motorhome, I felt sort of rudderless, without a clear path forward.  It was almost as if, with the trip cancelled, I had nowhere to go and nothing to do.  Then I reread the goals I laid out for the rest of my life after the death of my husband in 2019.  After losing my lover, friend, companion, and other half of almost 54 years, I needed to create a new philosophy for myself.  The basic plan was fairly easy, I wanted to continue, as best I could, the plan that Bill and I had always had for 'when we retire'.  Travel for a couple of years and see as many of those places we always want to go see, but never seemed to have the time for, then find a small ranchette somewhere to plant orchards and gardens and livestock to keep us busy when we weren't fishing, hunting, or just camping out.  However, I now needed something larger to help me keep my direction.  You may have heard of Help, Do, Have, Be as a planning tool; if not, I encourage you to Google it.  I revisited mine in May and realized that I could do as much from here in Albuquerque as I could from On the Road toward many of those aspirations.  And some of them could only be done here.  Like being here for family, no matter what they needed.  A phone call, a lunch, a backyard visit, an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean upon.

Just in the last few weeks, I have been available for conversations about new jobs, new dogs, new homes, new marriages.  I watched the granddaughter of one of my favorite cousins be married in true cowboy fashion, right down to arriving at the venue in a stock trailer, and hearing about the wonderful things that God has done in their lives.  I listened as my own granddaughters contemplated new jobs, old jobs, and finding new homes - some close, some far away.  I also was available to reconnect with friends from several years ago and be in the right place to help provide a once-in-a-lifetime experience for a family.  On all those occasions, I shared my own perspective, such as it is, to the conversation and maybe it was useful - if not, they know they are free to ignore it without repercussions.  ^_^

I realized that God has placed many of His miracles right here in New Mexico, and, in fact, right in my back yard!  I don't have to drive all the way to California to see mountains, and beautiful hiking trails, some of the best ones are only a 45 minute drive away.  I will be exploring more of those in the next few months.  Indeed, there are state and national parks here in New Mexico that offer sights and experiences that can only be found in the Land of Enchantment.  There are thousands of people across the country and around the world that have never experienced the wonder found in an unground cave of stalactites and stalagmites!  Or a sunset over miles of gypsum crystals!  Or a foggy morning near a mountain lake!

Sometimes all that is needed is a physical activity goal to help you focus on the positives and find the satisfaction of a small goal achieved.  I decided to install a small pond in the backyard, just to create a small oasis of calm to enjoy in the mornings and evenings.  That required fish to avoid having a mosquito breeding pond and that meant a deeper pond and thus, more digging on my part.  I started digging in April, but God also provided a lesson in patience as the liner arrival was delayed by a month.  I had to hold off to ensure the hole in the ground would match the dimensions of the liner.  I found a new appreciation for the muscle required to dig a three foot deep hole, avoiding tree and rose bush roots and water lines, and picking out rock, sand, pump, lights, etc to complete this oasis.  It has been a lot of work and I'm not done yet, but I already enjoy watching the tiny goldfish swim around and enjoy the mini water park in my backyard.  They provide some much-needed reflection time for me.

Thus, while I continue to honor the past and hold my memories close to my heart, I promise to keep moving forward in the direction that God leads me, knowing that He will never lead me astray and that His plan for my life has been and will always be better than my own.  I will strengthen the bonds of family and friends and unwind each day watching the fish grow.

"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the Lord your God who goes before you.  He will be with you; He will not fail you or forsake you."  ~ Deuteronomy 31:6,8

My Word for 2023 ~ Hope

January 13, 2023

For the past several years I have chosen a word, and the accompanying Bible verses and other quotes, that I will focus on for the year and share how it changes my outlook and my activities.  As I read news stories at the end of 2022 and beginning of 2023, it seemed to me that there are so many people in different parts of the world, and even here in the US, that live without Hope.  Hope for a better tomorrow, hope for a better future for their children, hope for something, anything, that would mean there is a reason to continue to strive.  God also leaned on me a bit because one of my purposes is to share His words of Love, Peace, and Hope.  I have worked off and on for several months to create a logo for clothing to be worn on my N'ohana trips that will hopefully help me start conversations.  I was not blessed with the ability to strike up a conversation with anyone that happens to be standing near me, that was Bill's gift.  He never met a stranger.  But I realized that I cannot share my story and God's love and vision for my life, if I never open my mouth.  So, I have resolved to start the conversation, send a silent message if nothing else, and pass out business cards that will point people to my photography and God's Blessing in my life.  One of the verses that came to mind first was "...with God all things are possible." from Matthew 19:26  What could be more hopeful that knowing that you can do anything if you make sure that God has prepared the path for you?

“There is always hope.” ~ JRR Tolkien (Aragorn to Haleth, son of Hama, at Helms Deep)  One of several quotes from Lord of the Rings that offer inspiration to any who heed the message. No matter how tough things get, there is always Hope for the future.

“Be joyful in Hope, Patient in affliction, Faithful in prayer.” ~ Romans 12:1  Lots of good advice n Romans, it is a basic primer on how God works in our lives. Read it any time you are wondering if your life has meaning or if things are not going your way.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you Hope and a Future.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11  Like many others, Jeremiah 29:11 has been a life verse for me. Every time I experience a setback in my plans, I turn to this verse to be reminded that God wants everything good for me. And sometimes, that means closing a door I thought I wanted to go through that He could see would lead to heartache, not happiness. I have also learned that God never closes a door without providing another path for me; sometimes it takes a rear-view mirror perspective. Looking backward, sometimes from years away, to see His plan in its entirety.

Thus, with Hope in my heart and God firmly on my side, I move forward into 2023 to see where His plan leads me this year. What wonders does He have ready to reveal to me as I walk out my door?


Divine Timing?

November 22, 2022

I find it interesting that two men unrelated to me and to each other died on this day in 1963. Both had a profound effect on me and the direction of my thoughts.  They were also instrumental in influencing the world and the times in which they lived.

I was in middle school when my lunch hour was interrupted by the news that President Kennedy had been shot.  When my PE class convened after the lunch hour, we spent the entire period glued to a radio, listening for the news that we all dreaded to hear and just knew could not happen. Like the rest of the world, I spent the next days and weeks mourning a life cut short and so many good ideas unrealized.  “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”  That statement was one of the reasons I wanted to become a nurse and join the Navy. A few years later I would meet the man that would fill my life with love and change my career path, but I never lost the notion of wanting, needing to give back.  How different the world might be today had John Kennedy lived out his life beyond November 22, 1963.

C.S. Lewis came into my life much later, but he too influenced my life at a time when I really needed it.  I discovered The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe through my children.  I became intrigued as they shared some of the things they were reading.  Enough so that I decided to read the entire Chronicles of Narnia on my own.  I did not really “get the bug” until the movies came out and that is when I learned much, much more about C.S. Lewis the man, not just the author.  He created Animal Land as a young boy, populating it with all sorts of magical beasts and gallant knights.  At Oxford, he was to meet a group of fellow authors, including J.R.R. Tolkien, and in their conversations, he would rediscover Christianity.  He became a renowned apologist as he explained his beliefs using logic and philosophy.  His book Mere Christianity, is one of my favorites, and I understand it a little bit better every time I re-read it.  It helps me define my own Christianity in a way that makes it easier to share with others, as God intended.  Narnia would not be the same, nor would I, had C.S Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien not found one another.

Things happen for a reason.  God is always intentional.  Is it possible that He intended that these two men should be linked in my thoughts, even if only through the date of their death?

Going On When You Can't Go On

July 3, 2022

Motivation – why do we lose it, how do we get it back.  About a week before I left England in early June, I suddenly lost all motivation to do much of anything.  No desire to find a photo op destination, no energy to work on my blog, and certainly no energy to work on any accounting tasks.  Why did I suddenly lose all desire to continue taking photos and working on my blog? Up until then it was one of the most enjoyable parts of my day, basically telling my family and whomever else might be interested what I had done and seen the day before and savoring the memory as I shared it. Was it because three months was just too long a trip and I ran out of steam?  Was it because I was homesick and wanted to think more about being at home than being in England?  Was it because the plans I had made that went awry were just too much to bear – first not being able to use the Oyster card as I had become so adept at doing in London at the beginning of the trip and bus travel was very inconvenient; second I wasn’t selected to view Trooping the Colour as I had hoped during the Jubilee; third I was unable to attend the tour of the Palace Mews that I had already paid for because of the rail strike and I could not find another way to get from Iver into London; fourth the rain just kept coming down, continuing to interfere with photo sessions due to the constant fear of damage to my gear.  

After the visit to Windsor during the Jubilee Celebration, I just wanted to stay in the flat and watch TV.  Seriously, binge-watching NCIS in the United Kingdom?!?!  With commercials?  (Although, some of the English commercials are pretty funny.  I found few dryers in the various lodgings I rented in the UK and hanging laundry outside not only dries them but also makes them smell fresh. The product in this particular commercial promised to make your laundry smell as fresh as outdoors even when dried indoors.  It was a singing commercial and featured such sights as a lady surrounded by a mound of dirty clothes proclaiming “this room smells like an armpit” and a gentleman shown through a window naked from the waist up bemoaning his lack of shorts. “Where is the sun?!”)

At any rate, I could not make myself spend any time at all doing things I knew I should be doing. If I couldn’t find anything worth taking photos of (or couldn’t because of the rain) I needed to be working on the blog.  It was way behind due to having almost everyday packed full of things to do for the entire month of April and wanting to spend free time with my daughter rather than working on my blog.  Getting it caught up should have been a priority, but I would give it a half-hearted try and then give up as there was no inspiration at all. I could have worked on the accounting for my home-based client, but I didn’t want to do that either.  I just watched TV. It didn’t help that my studio flat was very tiny, no living room, just a bedroom with a television and desk so I didn’t even have to get dressed, just watch television from the bed.

Looking back now with the perspective of almost a month, I think it was a combination of many things.  I was tired of traveling and the difficulty in going anywhere from my lodging in Buckinghamshire was just more than I wanted to take on, trying to figure out a smaller bus system (fewer busses, longer wait times between busses), and the tube system, how to get there and get back without spending half an hour or more waiting on a bus or an underground.  I was homesick and wanted to be at home, sleeping in my bed, cooking in my kitchen, talking and texting with friends and family, spending time with my dog.  I had already taken most of the photographs I had envisioned and planned and the ones I hadn’t weren’t going to be possible from where I was. And, I found nothing to inspire my imagination in my local area.  I had chosen this location primarily because of its proximity to Heathrow for my flight home not for the interesting or historical value.

Another thing I have come to realize is that it is hard to be motivated to do anything today if you are buried in the past.  If you are dwelling on memories instead of dreaming about the future, how can you get excited about doing something today that will move you closer to the goal for tomorrow? My daily devotional from Max Lucado helped me understand this better.  He talked about John being the only disciple that stayed at the cross with the women. He lingered because Jesus wasn’t just a miracle worker and a master teacher to him, He was also his friend, and you don’t abandon a friend.  “When you are somewhere between yesterday’s tragedy and tomorrow’s triumph, what do you? Do you leave God, or do you linger near him? John chose to linger. And because he lingered on Saturday, he was around on Sunday to see the miracle.”  While it is beneficial to linger for a while, you still must be open for tomorrow’s triumph.

Letting Go

May 26, 2022

From my diary on 9/5/2020 ~ Thinking today about letting go and how hard that is to do.  Not just in the larger sense of letting your children (or, grandchildren) make their own mistakes and thereby gain knowledge of themselves and the world as a consequence.  Or, the need to let go of a longtime dream in favor of a new dream, brought about by circumstances over which you had no control.  It is also about letting go of the small pieces collected for that earlier dream.  I have spent much time and experienced much frustration this past week as I started mapping out a path to leave Montana.  The original plan was to spend this winter living in my N'ohana near the area where think I want to buy property eventually to see if I really want to spend winters there.   I have recently come to realize that is not going to be possible.  Unlike our 5th wheel, N’ohana is not a 4-season coach.  Thus, it does not have the necessary insulation to keep me warm during the winter months.  In addition, it took a week for Bill and I to do all the required “skirting” and sealing and water hose wrapping to prepare for a winter in Montana.  Winter in Colorado at 7000+ feet will look a lot like winter in Montana at 4000 feet.

At the same time, I cry a little inside every time I start making plans to leave.  This was our dream home for retirement – a place where we could raise a few cows, a few horses, a few chickens, a couple of pigs, and a milk cow.  It has everything we needed ~ hay ground to grow winter feed, pasture for the summer grazing, a year-round creek for watering all the livestock, plenty of room for an orchard (and grazing for a few churro sheep), a big garden, and a bee-keeping operation.  Canning, making herbal remedies and practicalities, raising bees for honey production, producing our own meat, milk, butter, and eggs.  Completely self-sustaining – sort of.  Make a little money from selling excess production, doing a little accounting, and making the photography pay.  But, all that meant two of us to share the work - - and now there is just me…

Yesterday, I met with the buyers for the north parcels and both houses.  As I was explaining how irrigation, and the wells, and the septic tanks work, I found myself feeling sad and wistful for a life that was to be no more. My head knows this is best – we had already decided to leave Montana to follow the sunshine, but that doesn’t prevent me from feeling forlorn for making it happen.  Especially since I will be leaving alone.  Except for Jake, of course.  At the same time, I felt really frustrated by the aforementioned issues with the southward plan, but also by all the minutiae involved with the septic permitting, and selling all the stuff that isn’t going with me.

The worst part is saying goodbye to all the things we bought for that dream that is no more.  No need for gallon jugs to store the honey, no need for all the wine bottles to store the wine from the strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries, or the canning jars for jams and produce to store and sell.  And, especially, no need for all the warm men’s clothing… 

Fast forward to today (May 26, 2022) and as I read this with the perspective of a few more years, I realize that I am still longing for that dream that cannot be.  I have a  plan and, with God's continued blessing, it will bear fruit and bring me contentment.  I have much to be thankful for and I am.  The other dream will come true now in Heaven rather than on earth.

Thoughts About Perfection at Work

July 23, 2021


The topic of perfection in the workplace came up today.  As an accounting professional,  I learned to‘tic and tie’ each transaction so that there are no variances.  In a perfect world, this is the only way to go.  However, we don’t live in a perfect world and, even in accounting, perfect isn’t always the best plan. The operative term is ‘not material’.  In other words, if the variance isn’t material to the end result, “close enough”is good enough.  For most accounting situations, it doesn’t make sense to chase a few pennies, holding up a billion-dollar financial statement and spending high dollar salaries to do so.


That’s for the accounting world.  If you are a chemical engineer, a rocket scientist, a neurosurgeon, you had darn well better be as close to perfect as humanly possible!!  Yes, it’s a higher standard, but then so is the result.  In these instances, not being perfect can result in very material consequences for everyone involved.


In life practices, I have found that perfection is very seldom attained, nor is it desirable.  If variety is the spice of life, how do you experience the variety if everything happens perfectly.  In the course of many learning opportunities, I recall that I learned much more when the process broke down because of a mistake than I learned when everything happened exactly the way it was planned.  We gain much life experience from our failures and that is how we grow as individuals.  If there were no rain, we wouldn’t appreciate the sunshine, without the darkness we wouldn’t appreciate the day, without pain we wouldn’t fully experience joy.


The Bible says that there has only been one perfect Man, Jesus Christ.


As a photographer, I want to make the perfect shot, whether it is a full moon in Montana, a sunset at White Sands National Park, or a huge flock of snow geese at Bosque del Apache Wildlife Preserve.  Sometimes God has a different plan for me, and I am learning to be happy and let Him take control.   The result is usually better than my plan.


Vince Lombardi said “Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.”


I’ll strive for excellence instead of perfection.


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